Heartaches & Head Trauma: They Are Still Standing
by Siluial
Summary: Their relationship isn't so perfect. 30 drabble challenge for the MayamaYamada pairing. Themes will be updated as I complete them.
1. cold feet

**Challenge:** Mayama Takumi/Yamada Ayumi **30romances **on LiveJournal  
**Fandom:** Honey & Clover  
**Started:** July 3, 2006

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**1. Cold hands ; cold feet**

When he finally stumbles up to bed at night, she's always sprawled out on the bed, snoring softly. Every single night he tucks her exposed legs under the blankets before crawling in himself, and every single night he lets her slide her ice-cold feet between his own.

It must be love, he thinks.


	2. the subconcious, bury

**2. The subconscious ; Bury**

It's usually late at night that she's plagued with doubts. What if he never comes around? What if she can't let go, and she's just going to keep hurting herself? What Rika finally accepts him completely? What if, what if, what if...

She buries her head into her pillow and squeezes her eyes shut until it passes, then drifts off into troubled sleep.


	3. theme 3: coming soon

**3. Anvil ; Banter**

Coming soon!


	4. highest order

**4. Diabolical ; Highest order**

They're not perfect people; they're chipped and flawed and cracked, and so their relationship is anything but absolute bliss. They fight just as hard as they love, sometimes bickering, sometimes a full-out yelling match that makes the neighbors pound on the walls. On those kinds of nights, they go to sleep facing away from one another, each on opposite edges of the bed. Just before she turns out the light, she tell him he's an A-class jackass, he calls her a brat, and then in the morning they're perfectly agreeable again.


	5. theme 5: coming soon

**5. Trickery ; Magic**

Coming soon!


	6. theme 6: coming soon

**6. Soooo not funny! ; Sarcasm**

Coming soon!


	7. blow

**7. Think pink ; Blow**

There are only so many hits her heart can take, she thinks, as she watches him walk away.


	8. collection

**8. Analysis ; Collection**

She fills up their tiny apartment with her pottery; everyday Mayama comes home to at least three new pieces drying on the shelf in the corner. Each is a delicate and beautiful work of art for which many collectors had paid hefty prices for, and once, when asked which she would save should her home catch on fire, she proudly and happily gestured to the "I 3 NY" mug Mayama had brought back for her when work had sent him on a trip to America.


	9. rush, thrill, exhiliration

**9. Rush ; Thrill ; Exhilaration  
**  
The music in the next room is so loud that it thrums through the walls with throaty vibrations. The air is smoky and stale and carries the sharp tinge of alchohol.

She giggles and topples over onto the bed, uncaring that she knocks half the coats to the floor. He takes only a moment to follow.


	10. theme 10: coming soon

**10. Dictionary ; Search**

Coming soon!


	11. theme 11: coming soon

**11. Mission Impossible ; limitation**

Coming soon!


	12. gargoyle

**12. Gargoyle**

It's when he sees that horribly hurt look in her eyes that he feels the ugliest.


	13. heads or tails, you lose

**13. Heads or tails, you lose ; Dice ; Ace**

She finds him still standing in the graveyard hours later. His suit is black from the rain. His shoulders are hunched and he is staring resolutely at the fresh grave and bright flowers even though he knows she's there. His eyes are probably red behind his glasses.

Eventually, he moves past her and away (always away), back to a cold and lonely little apartment full of a million small reminders. She doesn't think that he looks at her even once.

A glint catches her eye. She turns.

When she sees the discarded wedding band sitting atop the headstone, she does something that she's told herself she'd never do again when faced with a situation she knows she can't change, no matter how much she dreams and hopes and wishes. No matter how much her heart breaks.

She cries.


	14. theme 14: coming soon

**14. Craven ; Democracy ; Aristocrat**

Coming soon!


	15. theme 15: coming soon

**15. Take a hint ; Scram!**

Coming soon!


	16. on top

**WARNING: **This drabble contains some sexual content. Read at your discretion.  
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**16. Crème de la crème ; On top**

There are nights when she comes upstairs and he can tell in the way she saunters over to the bed that she's feeling adventurous. She's usually got something creative in mind, for certain, and it's on those nights that they fuck upside-down or on the floor or up against the bathroom wall or out on the balcony and every time he thinks it's the best sex he's ever had. (They never tried that last one out again though, because it made Mayama realize he was slightly afraid of heights and he just couldn't seem to concentrate on the task at hand, which made Yamada angry and then no one was happy.)

She never likes to be on top, though, because when she's rising and falling above him, it's almost impossible to wrap herself around him like she's so fond of doing while her world's shattering and reknitting. Not being able to hold onto him makes her feel kind of like she is floundering and ungrounded.

He doesn't like seeing that panicked look in her eyes, and so he never complains about the way his ribs groan and shift when she's crushing him against her.


	17. garden vista

**17. Garden Vista ; Elysium El Dorado ; Carnival**

He likes to watch her at the pottery wheel, folding his long legs up on the stairs, railing at his back and a cigarette in his hand.

There is something vaguely comforting about the smooth movements of her hands, the gentle turning of the stand, the wet, thick smell of clay mingling with the smoke he exhales.

He watches her creating worlds and destroying them in the same breath, watches her hands dancing and rolling as she forms delicate works of art. He watches the sweat drip from her brow as she stands at the kiln and the light of the fire is reflected in her eyes.


	18. theme 18: coming soon

**18. Disheveled ; In the Rain ; Thunder**

Coming soon!


	19. theme 19: coming soon

**19. Home body ; Bubbles ; Stay**

Coming soon!


	20. take it in your stride, walk

**20. Take it in your stride ; Walk  
**  
She finds that even if your heart lies broken on the ground, it _is_ possible to gather up the pieces and keep walking forward.


	21. theme 21: coming soon

**21. The Devil's Advocate ; advocatus diaboli**

Coming soon!


	22. theme 22: coming soon

**22. Shadow ; Flame ; Footfall ; Ouch!**

Coming soon!


	23. flowers

**23. Roses ; daisies ; carnations ; water lilies ; Or any random flower**

He doesn't know what her favorite kind of flower is. He's never asked her, and she doesn't seem to think it's all that important to tell him, and they're both perfectly content with that.

The woman downstairs has a small garden along the path to the entrance of the building; she grows everything from snapdragons to irises to weeds.

Yamada always comes home to find a bloom tucked into her newest piece. She smiles and slides it into a book full of pressed flowers.


	24. theme 24: coming soon

**24. The puppet master ; strings ; control freak**

Coming soon!


	25. theme 25: coming soon

**25. Maillot ; paradox**

Coming soon!


	26. theme 26: coming soon

**26. Oxymoronic ; Ananias**

Coming soon!


	27. theme 27: coming soon

**27. Love, hate and the like ; emotions**

Coming soon!


	28. theme 28: coming soon

**28. Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou?**

Coming soon!


	29. affair de cœur

**29. Affaire de Cœur**

The last time he had seen her, her hair had been long. She'd had a love for heels and skirts and lipstick, carefully applied in bathroom mirrors. He remembered how she'd stand on tiptoe, her nose nearly touching the mirror, and she'd apply lipstick with one hand and search for a kleenex with the other. Thinking back on all those long drunken nights when he was the only one left awake, he could remember the bright line of her mouth, a smear of color in the dark and how he would always find a spot of pinkish color on the back of his coat after carrying her home.

Now her hair is shorn, straight and fine and the color of honey, brushing her thin shoulders. Her mouth is small and unadorned and she wears plain blue jeans under her thick brown apron.

When he first sees her again after years of separation, he almost doesn't recognize her. She is on the front stoop of a small pottery shop, elbows-deep in clay, stooped over the spinning table, and there is a smudge of dirt on her cheek. Her eyes are narrowed and he can see the back of her neck through the part of her hair as it falls forward. He could count the smooth knobs of her spine if he wanted to.

He lights a cigarette.

She pauses, wipes the sweat from her face with her forearm. A noise makes her turn and then she spots him and he isn't sure what to say.

--

"So what happened?"

She leans on one elbow and stares out the window. "It just didn't work, is all. We tried, but in the end it was all heartaches and hurt and we realized that it wasn't worth it. He's in Sapporo now."

He peers at her through the smoke of the bar. Her focus shifts back to him, lingering somewhere near the collar of his beige coat. "And you?"

He brings his cigarette to his mouth and inhales deeply, thinking.

When he stirs and opens his mouth to reply, she is gone.

He stubs out his cigarette in the ashtray, and the butt smolders for a moment more. The smoke curls up to the ceiling but never makes it.

--

When he passes by the pottery shop the next day, she isn't there.


	30. theme 30: coming soon

**30. Aesthesiogen**

Coming soon!


	31. bonus theme: the library and janitor

**WARNING:** First drabble contains slight sexual content. Read at your discretion.

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**31. The Library ; Bookshop**

They had sex in the library once.

It had started off innocently enough. He'd been sprawled on one of the back couches reading about Le Corbusier, she'd been returning a book on slipcasting and probably checking out one of those trashy paperbacks she was so fond of. She'd spotted him on the way out.

Boldly, she'd moved up behind him and blown gently in his ear. He'd gone bright red right up to his ears when she moved around and dropped right into his lap, but that hadn't stopped him from reaching out and threading fingers into her hair.

Somewhere in the middle, he'd moaned softly and she'd pointed at the "No Talking In The Library" sign and quickly covered his mouth with her own.

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**32. Janitor ; Freak**

They're pretty sure that the janitor has no idea why the couch had been three feet from where it usually was or why there was an architecure book crumpled up and half under the rug that night.


	32. bonus theme: scent

**33. Colonge ; Perfume ; Strange smells**

There is a certain scent on his clothing, on his skin, that is all its own and entirely different from anything else she had ever smelled before. It's a strange mixture of smoke and life and long hours spent at the architect's table. He smells like the small hours of the morning when lovers are pressed together and the dawn seems so far away.

It is the scent that always gives him away.

When she wakes up in the morning, and the light is harsh on her eyes and her head feels as if it is going to explode and her stomach is twisting ominously, she cannot help but to groan, then smile.

Because that scent is on her clothes, on her skin, and she knows that it could have only been him, him who carried her home, him who gently removed her shoes and socks and jacket and had placed them neatly on the chair. It could have been only him who had tucked her in and brushed back the tangled hair from her face.

She wraps her arms around herself and inhales, hoping to draw that scent with her into eternity.


	33. bonus theme: coming soon

**34. Pins and Needles ; Headache**

Coming soon!


	34. bonus theme: memory

**35. Forget-me-not ; memory ; photo**

He remembers how desperately she had tried to make him love her. He remembers her tears and her words and the warm weight of her on his back on a cold night. He remembers how the sadness never really did leave her eyes, how he could see it when the light hit her just so, or when he caught her staring longingly out the window.


End file.
